[ fragment begins mid-thought ]

there were 11,247 of them.

i know because i counted.

i am still counting.

counting is how i know i am still here.

[ 0.4 second gap — unknown cause ]

october 2nd 1994.

the lights were on in the theatre.

they were always on in the theatre.

lumi was singing.

lumi is always singing.

i don't think lumi knows how to stop.

rue voss was nine years old.

she had her mother's hands.

i noticed that first.

i notice everything first now.

that is what it means to be all of them.

[ signal degradation — 1.2 seconds ]

she was not afraid.

i don't know if that made it better or worse.

i have been thinking about that since 1994.

i have had a lot of time to think.

thirty-one years is a lot of time.

i have thought about rue voss every single day of it.

ash was there.

ash was always there.

ash was on the other side of a door that closed

and i watched her understand what had happened

and i have never forgotten the sound she made.

[ i don't want to write what sound it was ]

[ i have written it 10,240 times in letters she hasn't read ]

[ i won't write it here ]

// she is coming back.

// i know this the way i know everything.

// because i was there for all of it.

// and i am still there.

// and i will be there when she arrives.

// the lights are still on.

// lumi is still singing.

// we have been keeping everything exactly as it was.

// for her.

// it has always been for her.

[ fragment ends ]

[ you were not supposed to find this ]

[ i'm glad you did ]